THEY’RE MAKING THE ART OF SEDUCTION ILLEGAL IN CALIFORNIA
(…so now…if you’re romantically inclined…you better have a signed and sealed hold-harmless release form in your wallet)

It appears that both the legislators and university regents of Kook-istan (er…the State of California) have, reportedly, enacted a new law and new rules governing the dating game in that state. This is in response to the increasing incidents of date-rape both on and off its campuses there.

Their answer to fix this social problem is to reset the parameters governing sexual activity by redefining the meaning of –CONSENT-. That is, non-resistance, or passive acceptance of any kind of amorous advances is no longer sufficient. Instead, these must be categorically, undeniably, unequivocally assented to beforehand with a definitely expressed – YES-, or else the one making such amorous moves can end up facing a number of legal liabilities.

Without such a firmly voiced expression of “consent” prior to even the mildest of affectionate hugs, cuddling, kanoodling, lip-locking, or just playful fanny patting, these can all now be cause for legal action against anyone doing so. In short, they’re making the art of seduction illegal in California…so if you’re romantically inclined…you better have a signed and sealed hold-harmless release form in your wallet…before you try any of that there.

My first reaction upon hearing of this was to exclaim…Ah Hah!…the Machavellian hand of the legal profession must be behind this, just to generate new sources of revenues (think –palimony-). Then again, it could simply be a conspiracy by the UWOP union (United Workers of the Oldest Profession), to make the dating game so much more complicated than it already is these days(STDs and related health concerns, not to mention verification of gender identification), that with such new restrictions in place, rather than facing such added dating game risks, just paying for a good night out with a pro instead… might seem less problematic…possibly even less costly (no need for all that wining and dining, flowers, and fancy restaurants, etc.. just to get to home plate), thus a more appealing alternative, thereby improving the ongoing prospects of the sex-for-hire trade. It might even force California to join with its neighbor, Nevada, to make that trade legal there too.

Well, who knows what byzantine forms of logic lurk in the minds of those tasked with regulating our customs and mores. In California, these seem to have concluded that old-style romancing and seduction is no longer acceptable, and that Ogden Nash’s famous dictum of —candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker—is now passé. C’est la vie!

CENTURION